This just in off the fake news telegram …
Apple to moderate no special events next week
CUPERTINO , CALIF . ( Imaginary News Service)—After holding two press events in as many weeks to introduce thevideo iPod , refurbished iMac , dual - core Power Mac , and Aperture image - editing software , Apple announced it was not scheduling a special outcome next week to reveal new products .
An invitation send off out to the press by Apple displays the word , “ We Got Nothin’ ” on top of a picture show of a shrug Steve Jobs . The pocket on Jobs ’ trademark blue denim are turn inside out , apparently signify that hardware updates or new OS ex app are not on pat for next workweek .
reporter are expected to gather at Apple ’s Cupertino home base out of habit next Wednesday at 10 a.m. , where they will be whole brush off by Apple employees go about their regular business . Once the non - press event conclude , the few newsperson who remain will be escort away from the building by Apple security guard .
macintosh rumor sites are already abuzz with reporters on what products Apple wo n’t be harbinger next hebdomad . “ Since no product announcement is scheduled , the possibilites are endless , ” say one rumour - monger , verbalize on the experimental condition of anonymity . “ It could be a Pentium - powered desktop or a tablet or a cadre phone or even a low - kilocalorie dessert that does n’t let you down in the tone department . ”
Reacting to the first Apple event - devoid week since late September , Wall Street analyst immediately downgrade the company ’s stock from “ Buy ” to “ Sell , Sell , For the Love of God , Sell . ” “ While it ’s all well and adept to roll out innovative , headline grabbing products two serial weeks , Apple ’s inability to do so for a third calendar week in a row clearly indicates that the company is doom and will probably shutter its door before the end of the quarter , ” one psychoanalyst said . “ To repeat this substance , press 1 now . ”
Meanwhile , some in the mechanical press complain about the on-going aid being paid to Apple . “ Microsoft has plenty of weeks where it does n’t denote anything , and nobody makes a big deal about that , ” saidPC Magazinecolumnist John Dvorak . “ This clearly showsa pro - Apple biasamong technology writer at conduce issue . I could list them by name , but I ’d just as before long not call out David Pogue , Walter Mossberg , and Steven Levy .
“ Bias is a dread thing , ” Dvorak summate sadly . “ Especially when it ’s preconception about an manifestly subscript company like Apple . ”
