In another foretoken of wan invention at Apple , the company predictably announced its quarterly results this week , just like it does every quarter .
badly , Apple , we ’ve seen you announce quarterly results . How about announcing a one-quarter and a one-half ? A after part and a half of result , the phablet of quarterly results . That ’s the kind of innovation tech industry watchers crave .
spell forQuartz , Mike Murphy does n’t believe the fake news show .
“ Apple ’s wearables business is Brobdingnagian , if you purchase Apple ’s circumvent definition of vesture . ”(Tip o ’ the antlers toChris DomicoandPhilip Speicher . )
And by “ fudged definition ” , Murphy intend that Apple defines “ article of clothing ” as “ things that you fatigue ” . So much rich , gooey fudging . This is a definition that is likely to give you diabetes . Augustus Gloop fell into this definition because hejust could n’t aid himself . This is a definition that positively demands it be followed by a musical number by some Oompa Loompas .
On today ’s profit call , Cook order investors that Apple ’s wearable engineering business is like to the size of it of a Fortune 500 company , which would seem to connote that the Apple Watch is flourish …
But we know that ca n’t be true , otherwiseall the dissing we did of the Watchwould look kind of silly .
But Cook said that comparison also includes Apple ’s AirPods and its Beats headphones .
thing you may wear ! What the … ? ! Look , if you ’re going to start include things you wear in your definition ofthingsthat youwear … well , then , sir , we can not have a healthy , candid discourse as adult about how bad your results really were .
Good 24-hour interval to you , sir .
I say “ safe mean solar day ” !
Though you might be capable to stretch the definition of “ wearables ” to cover AirPods — they have processing powerfulness greater than a first - generation iPhone , and you’re able to interact with Siri through them …
It ’s a stretch because if you take out the things that make them very much data processor - power twist that you wear , they are not at all information processing system - power devices that you fag .
Really , if pinna - borne devices that provide an easy mean value of carrying out calculator functions ca n’t be enumerate as wear then let ’s just trench the category wholly .
… it ’s difficult to see how regular Beats phone could really could be count as a wearable computer of some sort , other than the fact that you literally have to get into them on your headway to use them .
The tech press has no trouble counting the Surface , a equipment that people probably almost entirely use as a laptop computer , as a pad , but God prevent Apple let in things you jade in their “ wearables ” category . The argumentation must be draw here!This far , no further !
Murphy ’s contention , apparently , is that Apple should strip out the Beats phone that have the W1 chip in them and only include those and AirPods in wearables . Really , Apple , if you could just ahead the database of individual mathematical product sale to us in a data formatting of our choosing , that would be great . transient ischemic attack .
By that logic , I tend to put my iPhone in my pouch when I ’m out ; does that mean it ’s also a wearable ?
No . It does n’t Because you ’re put on the pant , not the equipment .
What are “ words ” , anyway ?
Deliberate obtuseness is not just a river in Egypt , Mike . In fact , it ’s not a river in Egypt at all . Look at a single-valued function . It is , however , what you ’re practise in this piece .
We should not simply take the numbers — or non - number — any technical school party passes us without giving them a decisive eye . And , yeah , Tim Cook was engage in a bit of merchandising by articulate Apple ’s wearable byplay alone would be a large company . It also bechance to be very lawful . And when peopleroutinely compareApple Watch sale to sales of mechanically skillful picket , your category purity trial for the compute power of wearables does n’t really seem that significant .
