A couple of days ago , I discovered that one of myFacebookfriends was not actually who I think he was . He had a plebeian name — we’ll call him Dave — and the invitation he ’d institutionalise me indicated we ’d once worked together . I decided he must be honest-to-god Dave from the Art department and flick Accept . But as I watch out his activity appear in my Facebook news feed , something seemed curious . Was the guy I knew really the type to plunge dailyzombie attacks ?
When I finally read a nigh look , I realized this soul had hundreds and century of champion — and I had no idea who he was . I ’m not saying this Dave hoodwinked me into ratcheting up his admirer - count . I ’d just never thought about the possibility of a stranger requesting to be my friend . I realized I ’d stumbled into a whole Modern land of etiquette way out — quandary that descend up when you ’re using social networking sites .
Here are some of the most vulgar questions I ’ve follow up against with Facebook ( currently with 43 million active user ) and the professionally - orientedLinkedin(with 14 million user ) . Share your own firmly - earned advice on the meeting place .
What do you do if you get an unwanted invitation?
Some people use their Facebook page as a kind of performance art — all are welcome to the show . However , if you prefer to use social networks as a manner to share your personal life with far - flung friends and familiarity , then you have every right to be fussy about who learn the latest photos of your kids or dearie . So I say brush aside invitation without shame . Some mass send them to everyone they have the slightest connection to — in that type , they probably wo n’t even notice your mum rejection .
( As an apart , there is a risk of identity theft when you share your date of giving birth , phone number , and more with strangers . Arecent studyby the security house Sophos find 41 pct of Facebook users perfectly willing to do just that . )
You might find this egress more complicated with a professional networking website such as Linkedin . Your Linkedin profile does n’t moderate any personal entropy — it ’s really like a public résumé . Linkedin “ connection , ” then , can be viewed as the current and former coworkers who can vouch for your power or whose opinions you ’d rely if you were looking to hire someone . In that showcase , do you take over an invitation from a coworker who you find in person creepy-crawly ?
I asked Charles Purdy , author of“Urban Etiquette : Marvelous Manners for the Modern Metropolis”(and aMacworldcontributor ) . His advice was to not care about “ guilt by association ” in this case and to instead accept the invitation with the future tense in mind . “ I do n’t see this , really , as being about suffer the creep ’s feelings , ” Purdy sound out . “ It ’s about being smart : Today ’s creepy coworker is tomorrow ’s critical contact at a company you want to work for . ”
What if the unwanted invitation is from your boss?
While you might not be well-heeled share cockamamie status updates and random photos of your private life with someone who has the power to send away you , most people would say you really could n’t defy a boss ’s invitation . But you may take reward of Facebook ’s limited visibility . snap on the site ’s Privacy link , select what selective information you ’re willing to share — for instance , your basic information but not your photos — type the person ’s name into the Limited Profile text field , and select Add . I ’d take it as a compliment if your foreman wants to be your Linkedin link .
What if someone ignores my invitation?
In most cases , I would n’t do anything . Perhaps they joined Facebook or Linkedin on a lark and are n’t really using the web site . Perhaps they do n’t regard you a skinny enough conversance . Either fashion , it ’s their choice to unite virtual hands with you or not . Consider this to be a case of making a deposit in your karmic bank — next time you quietly ignore an invitation , hopefully that soul wo n’t tease you either .
Is it OK to remove someone from your friend list?
I think so , but I also think there ’s no grounds to be mean about it . Since Facebook was primitively a prick for college and high shoal students , I bang it must be possible to spend a friend like a red-hot potato , but I revere the site might declare the fact . It does not . If you want to quietly cut down your list , just go your acquaintance page and tap the Remove Friend linkup .
It ’s also possible to get rid of connectedness on Linkedin . select My Contacts , take the checkbox next to a person ’s name and then dawn on Remove Connections . Again , the person will not be notified .
Is it OK to contact someone I don’t actually know?
I ’d muse what you ’re adjudicate to get out of using Facebook or Linkedin . There are a lot of different reasons to use these tools , and take on people is a bounteous one . Purdy recommends thinking of this situation as cognate to walking up to a stranger at a party and saying hello . Get yourself off on the best foot possible by avoiding form letter invitation . Instead , write a personal promissory note that ’s up front about who you are and why you ’d like to be part of a soul ’s connection . Finally , be inclined to accept rejection without a fuss .
After all , social networking is about join . Just as in real life , sometimes that ’s uncomfortable and other sentence it ’s filled with pleasant surprise . In my caseful , I have one college - age Facebook friend who I ’ve never met , do n’t bonk at all , and do n’t have anything in common with except one thing — unlike old Dave who confused me so , we have very rare first names . She ’s the only other Scholle ( “ Sh - holly ” ) I ’ve ever met . For me , that ’s a special association indeed .
