Look out , Apple fans ! arresting new enquiry shows not only what jerks we are but how we ’re also just one big fad . What ’s next ? Will they work out out the recipe to our tremendous peach cobbler ? ! Not only that , one silly pundit has advice for Google on how to eat up the iPhone once and for all . How did they count on all this out in one week ? !

And, on top of that, our moms dress us funny

What ’s the certain agency to get people verbalize about your canvass ? Call an enthusiastic devotee base a clustering of names ! At least that ’s whatMyType , a company that does personality - typing on Facebook , make up one’s mind when it want to pimpone of its late resume .

iPad owners are best characterise as selfish elites . Wealthier , one-time and more educated , they are sophisticated , extremely value big businessman and accomplishment , and are not very kind or altruistic .

OK , now that you ’ve had a recollective frigid stare in the mirror , let ’s look at who was in reality polled : 200 iPad owner and 400 people who are n’t even iPad owners but say they plan to purchase one . All of whom are the kind of people pre - disposed to answering Facebook quizzes .

Read more …

Most of the iPad owner the Macalope knows would rather be flatten head - first into a barrel full of cervid ticks than answer a Facebook quiz , so there ’s some question about selection diagonal here .

Selfish citizenry are more probable to be iPad Owners : people who do not esteem benevolence are 39 % more likely , those who do not value selflessness are 33 % more likely , and come off / uncompassionate the great unwashed are 22 % more likely .

Note the use of “ more probable . ” Even if you think these results are indicative of iPad possessor as a whole , it ’s not true to sayiPad proprietor are selfish and unkindasmostsalaciouslyreported this . It ’s only fair to say theyskewthat way .

As with most of the surveys he takes exception to , the Macalope ’s not necessarily disputing the results vis - a - vis the sample distribution population . He ’s disputing the survey ’s value in predicting the personalities of iPad owner as a whole . Apple ’s sold millions of iPads and we ’re supposed to think 200 Facebook user are somehow representative of the residue of us ? Pollster , please .

Ultimately , MyType tips its hand when it catch to blab about iPad critic .

Critics are less imaginative , enthusiastic and extraverted than the average person .

Oh , sothey’remiserable individuals , too . MyType is simply highlighting the bad possible look at both sides just to get care . This is the poll lead equivalent of standing on the end of the diving circuit board and squall “ front at me ! Look at me ! Look at me ! depend what I can do ! Mom ! Mom ! mama ! mummy ! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ! ”

Yes , honey . That ’s very prissy .

[ Goes back to drinking . ]

Dogma is my copilot

break : Fox News ’s John R. Quain reportson how Apple superintend to be successful despite its many , many very obvious gaffe , flaw , gaucherie and solecisms .

Its pad computer ca n’t play most of the videos on the Web … its cubicle phone has trouble making voice calls … and yet its intersection are wildly pop , trade millions worldwide …

How do we explain it ? ! Hypnosis ? ! Mass insanity ? !

Apple is the new religious belief , say several academics . It ’s not a matter of reason , it ’s a matter of religion .

No , it ’s acult!These people are just queer duck !

Man , the Macalope wishes Quain had say “ Stop me if you ’ve heard this one . ”

That , allot to the authors , explains why fans still believe when the leader of the Church of Apple , Steve Jobs , blame consumers for the poor reception of the company ’s cell speech sound ( clearly , users are holding their phone incorrectly ) .

Who believe that ? That ’s a lampblack . It was a stupefied affair for Jobs to say . The Macalope said that . John Grubersaid that . Rudy , the OS 9 - using MUG member said that . Everyone say that .

In fact , they flock to purchase the equipment despite its serious figure flaws .

Using the plural form and calling them “ serious ” merely shows that Quain all brush off the counter - arguing about Flash and the antenna way out . Hmm , what do they call it when someonerefuses to accept a unlike point of view ?

You screw the funny affair about the iPhone , at least for the Macalope ? He hardly ever uses it as a phone . And when he does , he does n’t happen to hold it in the way that affects the sign . So for him , the phone is cracking .

And if owning an iPhone means from time to time sacrificing a goat to Steve Jobs , is that really too much to inquire ?

The abstractfor the article by two academician at Texas A&M is far more benign than Quain ’s piece . The Macalope was tempted to drop $ 25 to understand it in full , but his contract withMacworldspecifically says that the only expense covered are “ 3 bales of lucerne a day and farsighted - aloofness charges for shabu calls to Steve Ballmer . ” And if it is as jerktastic as Quain makes it out to be , he does n’t need to reward that kind of behavior .

So , since he has n’t read it , he wo n’t bother going into the fact that Texas A&M ’s World Wide Web internet site is janked up with Flash and that , not only does Dellhave a scholarship program there , one of the company ’s aged frailty presidents ison A&M ’s College of Engineering Advisory Council(PDF ) . He ’s not even going to mention any of that . gravely . It ’s not relevant . That ’s why he ’s not add it up .

Anyway , the Macalope get exception to this is evidently just a sign of his spiritual excitement for Apple . Sad . He was going to just ignore it but it turn out that’salsoa sign of religious fervor because it mean you ca n’t handle anything that challenge your impression in Apple . Reading it and sighing is also a augury . As is scan it , getting blase , grow the boob tube on and watching an oldWhat Not To Wearbecause there ’s nothing else on .

And it goes without saying that reading a tower about it write by a mythical man / Mac / antelope is also a signboard of religious fervour for Apple .

( drumbeater . )

You sleep together what academic newspaper the Macalope would really care to see ? A work on the use of “ religion ” as a knee - jerk explanation for why other people do thing you might not understand because you ’re not paying attention .

The secret of their success

The Macalope ’s picked on eWeek ’s Don Reisinger in the past for his penchant for pointless top 10 listing . But this week Donreally score the nail on the ol’ head . Detailing how the Google Nexus One could be redesigned into an iPhone killer , Don come up with one item that would send Apple reeling .

3 is …

waitress , wait , wait . Are you ready for this ? The Macalope ’s not trusted you ’re quick for this . Because this is real behind - the - drape , through - the - looking - glass material here , people . So sit down and hang onto a loved one . Your world is about to be shake .

3 is :

Have a much nice design .

You did it , Don . You cracked Apple ’s codification . Take August off .

Please .