Hey , did you see the one about the 5498 Android phones that walk into a conference in Spain ? Turns out the punchline is “ BlackBerry . ” How about the one about the iPad mini rumors ? The prank there is on you , because you ’re reading an iPad mini rumour . Finally , an InformationWeek columnist try out to tell a prank but fail to deliver a punchline .
The pain in Spain
The bombilation from the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona was positively bee - like this week , as giant horde of meeter reviewing the latest Android handsets chant in unison , “ PROTECT THE QUEEN ! PROTECT THE world-beater ! ”
Oh , wait , that ’s an actual hive .
The noise coming from MWC was more of a cacophony of sound describing the various features of the latest Android handset , as OEMs desperately tried to distinguish their offerings from each other . And desperation , as we bonk , is what really pee-pee a product smoothen .
Of naturally , it does n’t help when these OEMs stomp on their own substance about how much honest their telephone is than all the others . As Ina Friedwryly noted on Twitter about HTC ’s promulgation :
“ It is the one phone you will need , ” HTC ’s Peter Chou , before introducing three different phone , all known as HTC One ( One S , One atomic number 23 , etc )
Can these Android handset seller not even hear themselves talking ? First it was the Samsung ’s Galaxy Note ad that articulate the headphone was “ already here ” and “ amount soon ” at the same time , and now this ?
Well , what is the raging raw phone at MWC ?
perchance it ’s the phone with the completely 100 percent original name , the ViewSonic ViewPhone … 4s(tip o ’ the antler tothe Loop ) . At least no one will throw it with an iPhone 4S by seem at it . Because it count like a disposable camera .
Or maybe the hot telephone isLG ’s entrantinto the hottest new sub - category of phones that are trying too firmly , the 5 - inch phone .
Or is itthe Sony Xperia , whichcomes in colors ? Where has the Macalope meet that before , oh , that ’s ripe .
Read more …
Well , remember , it ’s all aboutchoice , and having as many icky , middle - bleeding , and poorly - thought - out choices as potential . Because Apple does n’t offer up that .
By the means , how deplorable is that BlackBerry Bold ad that The Verge is skylark on all these revaluation ? This really show the pecking decree of smartphones , does n’t it ? There ’s the host of circus freaks jumping through basketball hoop , trying urgently to be coolheaded , and there ’s the earpiece that had topayto be on the pageboy review those phones .
And then , of course , there ’s the sound that would n’t put down itself by being caught numb in such companionship . You know , the telephone set in your pocket .
Zombie iPad rumors
The iPad mini rumors are back , but this time they’reconfirmed !
( Actual ratification not included . Void where prohibited by law . )
CNet ’s Brooke Crothers says bury about the obtuse ol’ iPad 3,a 7.85 - inch iPad is coming in the third twenty-five percent !
Enough about the iPad 3 already . The first iPad to arrive in a small size of it is due for product in the third quarter , an Asia - based paper enjoin .
Now , anyone who experience anything about Apple rumors is forthwith clew in by the words “ Asia - found report ” and know that what ’s add up next will completely take the helium out of this “ composition . ”
Apple is likely to set out production of a 7.85 - inch iPad in the third quarter of this year , Taipei - based DigiTimes said , cite seed , in a account dated Thursday .
How is it , Brooke , that you are not yank the Macalope ’s hoof with this ? DigiTimes . Seriously . This , of trend , would be the same DigiTimes that , among many other mis - reportings , was order only a match of calendar month ago that Apple would announce the iPad 3 at Macworld | iWorld in January . Which would have been a neat trick , as the company has n’t attend the consequence since 2009 .
Amusingly , DigiTimes also cover at the get-go of the twelvemonth thatApple had put the kibosh on make a diminished iPad .
Why , a pick out reader might have rationality to think the current “ report ” questionable , as it just un - does the United Nations - doing of the original “ report card ” ! That is , if CNet had provide its readers any of this circumstance .
Crothers does n’t bother , however , to mention DigiTimes ’s spotty phonograph recording , because who want to be a rumor buzzkill ?
And the terms ? It could go as gloomy as $ 249-$299 , the report said .
It could ! It say so on the Internet in a “ report , ” so it might be true ! Even if the source iswrong . All . The . clip .
Before Apple endure that low , though , an 8 GB iPad 2 priced below $ 400 is anticipate on March 7 , when the company also herald the iPad 3 .
The Macalope is produce a hypothesis about Apple rumors . Wanna find out it ? OK , it goes like this : When trying to sell a rumor that you just pull out of your posterior , always reach in and pull out a slimly saner one , because it make you reckon more serious . And you could probably apply some more lordliness considering you just put your own mitt up your butt twice .
The 7.85 - inch iPad reputation confirms a string of preceding story and word fromCNET ’s own germ .
Other things that Crothers has confirmed using this strict methodological analysis let in the Mayan apocalypse , that infinite aliens walk among us , and the undeniable superiority of the destine slugger rule .
That said , the idea of a smaller iPad befuddle some Apple commentator , particularly when no one less than Steve Jobs dissed the idea .
And the fact that your sources are a lot of yahoos .
But times change .
Well , some things do n’t interchange . Like people gullibly buy the farm on the blathering of disreputable sources talking about purportedly approaching Apple ware . They ’ve been doing that for long time .
Amazon has shown that a 7 - inch tab can excise a chord with consumer . Moreover , the 7.85 - inch iPad is expected to have the same 1,024×768 resolution of the iPad 2 , meaning that no changes want to be made to apps to accommodate the smaller silver screen .
Right . Because people can just lodge the confidential information of their fingers down so as to be able-bodied to accurately hit small-scale icons and buttons .
Well , no one ever say an Apple rumor had to make good sense .
Saturday Special: Information weak
InformationWeek ’s Eric Zeman has the ethical drug for the twist that you did n’t even know was ill .
What iPad 3 Really Needs : Revised OS
Apple ’s iOS is starting to get a footling long in the tooth . There , I said it .
You said it . No one knows what you mean by it , but you said it .
The overall look and feel of the operating system of rules has not changed since its 2007 debut .
Aaaaaaaand …
What ?
cut-rate sale are down ? HAHAHAHAHA .
Sure , Apple has piled in plenty of new features , but the core of the operating system is the same as it was five twelvemonth ago . It needs a refresh .
Uh … why ?
( pamperer alert : He never say . )
What would I like Apple to shift ? Well , I ’m no design guru …
A point I will now establish !
I ’d wish to see a sharper - looking operating organization , with few curved shape and more corners . Not Windows 8 - style quoin and blocks , but something that has sporting pedigree to it .
And peradventure bluer . Because blue ’s my pet color .
Hey , you know what I really like ? Jolly Ranchers !
Apple ’s competitors have not only added lineament to their platforms , but have made ocular upgrades as well . Look at Android , for lesson .
Right ! In a desperate seek to not lookexactlylike iOS , Google ’s tarted it up like a three - shill adulteress ! Why ca n’t orchard apple tree do that ? !
Windows Phone is too young to necessitate a refresh , but even Research In Motion has altered the appearance of BlackBerry 7 when you compare it to Blackberry 5 .
And look how well that ’s worked out for the party .
honestly verbalise , I do n’t expect Apple to change anything about Io ’s appearance in the near future , but it will have to eventually .
He still has n’t say why .
Now that Microsoft has align the look of its PC , tablet , and smartphone program , it would behoove Apple to do the same .
Again , why ?
Here ’s a pourboire : If you could write an entire opus on what Apple “ really ” needs to do and not excuse at all why they need to do it , then they likely do n’t “ really ” take to do it .
