Sometimes the affair mass spell about Apple reveal more about themselves than they do about Apple . Or anything else for that matter . The Macalope will front at two pundits who must be talk about something else , because what they ’re writing about Apple does n’t make a lick of sensory faculty . And on the anniversary of Steve Jobs ’s death , maybe it ’s better to just say no .
Motivations
What motivates a company ? Well , turn out it might be the same matter that incite someone to compose a fulmination about Apple .
Virginia Heffernan throw us an object lesson in this precept , writing for Yahoo in “ Machine Politics ” ( whatever that is):“Apple ’s Map app non - apology : We ’re lamentable you feel that way”(tip o ’ the antlers to Matthew Smith ) .
Non - apology ? Here ’s what Cook said :
At Apple , we strive to make domain - class products that deliver the safe experience potential to our customers . With the launch of our newfangled Maps last week , we fell short on this commitment . We are extremely sad for the frustration this has caused our customers and we are doing everything we can to make Maps better .
Now , the Macalope knowswhat a non - apology spirit likeand this is n’t that .
The point of offering a non - apologia is to trickily invalidate any entailment of personal blame . “ I ’m sorry you finger that manner . It certainly is n’t because of anythingI’vedone , but I ’m sorryyoufeel that way . perhaps it ’s because you ’re a marvelous reactionary who takes everything the wrong way and has a hatful of personal issues . Are you in therapy ? You should be . I ’m sorry you need therapy because of what I ’m venture was a bad puerility . ”
That ’s a non - apology . In Cook’sactualapology , however , the “ this ” in third sentence is “ we return short on our commitment . ” It ’s not “ your stunned feelings are so sore , ” it ’s something that Apple did . What he ’s saying is “ I ’m sorry what we did caused you frustration . ” It ’s a petty peculiar that Cook splitting it out into two sentences seems to have confused a formerNew York Timesstaff author who has also worked atHarper’s , The New Yorker , and Slate and hasa fricking Ph . D in English Literature from Harvard .
And it’sreallyodd that it contain a comic draught of a mythical valet - Mac - antelope crossbreed to excuse it to her . But that seems to be where we are .
What bug users about Apple Maps was not that it was imperfect .
Really ? That was n’t it ? Because the Macalope ’s followed this rather closely — admittedly , possibly not as nearly as someone who cover up “ Machine Politics”—and he ’s moderately sure that ’s it .
Every app we use is imperfect .
Indeed . Then why the uproar , Dr. ?
Instead , what was craze was that you , Apple , turn so junior-grade , chesty and vindictive that you tried to drive the famed wonder that is Google Maps — which since 2005 has tested , rarify and made stunningly useful its high - Re aerial and satellite images of about the whole planet — off your dumb novel operating system , iOS6 .
Wait . You ’re in reality saying that if the data in the Maps apphadbeen arrant , people would have still been sore because of a business decision Apple made ?
Uh , no . Really , the great unwashed do n’t care where their map information add up from , as long as it ’s good . The data point Apple used was n’t as good , and people expect effective from Apple . And some people sit around expect for Apple ’s uncommon mistakes so they can make a big pile about it . That’swhat this is all about .
You crowd out a free , great thing …
Stop . Stop . Google Maps is not innocent . It certainly is n’t free to Apple , and advertizement are a monetary value to exploiter . Heffernan completely neglects to bring up this anywhere in her extended inflated rant , but one of the major reasons Apple could n’t come to terms with Google was because Google need more exploiter data point . Apple did n’t want to give it to them becauseApple’scustomers are people who corrupt iPhones . Google desire it becauseGoogle’scustomers are advertisers . That ’s not mad Apple fanboi lecture , that ’s Business 101 .
… and jammed in your recreational dimestore one , only because you were feeling afraid and covetous , and in so doing you prove a sicko side of yourself ( one we all surmise has always been there ) .
You know Apple is n’t really an soul , right ? And certainly not a consecutive killer or pervert or whatever it is you ’re incriminate ? Because someone here ’s got take and the Macalope ’s pretty sure it is n’t the elephantine corporation that ’s being over - anthropomorphized .
It ’s exciting , sort of , when Titans jar . In the mythologic Californian kingdom of Cupertino and Mountain View , Apple and Google dramatically have at each other . They show no mercy . As arms resound …
Wait , is this whole column a viral ad forGame of Thrones ? Because that would make more gumption .
Actually , if you ’re look for the real understanding for Heffernan writing this laughably overbearing opus , look no further than the conclusion of the writer indorsement :
Her new book , Magic and Loss : The Pleasures of the Internet , will be published in early 2013 .
Oooh , there ’s still time for the Macalope to make the section about how think of fanbois can be to citizenry who are very reasonably pointing out how evil Apple is !
Sorry , Virginia , you were say something about companies do poor choices that reflect badly on themselves just to make money . Please continue .
We should maybe be grateful , then , for incidents like this latest dustup over Apple Maps . It lays that avarice and pettiness mere .
Not bare enough , apparently , as we ’re 500 words in here and you have n’t brought up even one of the very real business reasons on the part of both Apple and Google that led to this . There surely have been a lot of spectacular allusion to mythological war , though .
The company ’s aesthetic of pureness and paragon — however fascistic in nature — …
page Mr. Godwin . Mr. Godwin to the white good manners sound , please .
… is resistless . But we should n’t forget that Apple is everywhere — in our pockets , in our brain , all over our credit - circuit card bills — for a reason . And it ’s not because the troupe loves us .
No . You ’re right . It ’s because they make awesome products .
Yes , Apple is a company and companiesdon’tlove . They do n’t palpate empathy or compassion . They do n’t have hopes and dreams .
Neither , however , are they “ self-loving . ” They do not “ feel afraid ” and they most certainly do not have an “ i d. ”
So what was your point again ?
Oh , right . Book sale .
Dear Apple: I have too much time on my hands
Prep your fainting couch because Apple has once again outrageously — outrageously ! — violated the sacred trust between elephantine data processor fellowship and its sharp and most sensitive customers !
VentureBeat ’s John Koetsier keys“Dear orchard apple tree : Deleting your exploiter ’ apps without notice is rude and arrogant”(tip o ’ the antlers tomy glass eye ) .
“ But , Macalope , ” you say . “ A VentureBeat writer who come off like an over - inside , powdered - wigging - fag out 18th - C Danaus plexippus ? Surely that can not be right-hand . ” Oh , but it is .
Yesterday , I pulled up the YouTube app on my recently updated iOS 6 - rollick iPhone 4S. Or , I tried to .
Oh , no ! Has someone stolen Koetsier ’s phone ? Are his hired hand enfeebled by the shape known as “ hot dog fingers ” ? Are aliens stealing our apps ?
No .
Turns out that Apple killed the app silently in the process of upgrade my phone to iOS 6 .
NOOOOOOOO ! Now how are we going to get Rickrolled while on the go ? !
And I , a long - clock time Apple user with multiple Apple products and a engineering diary keeper who covers Apple , had missed that little factoid about the tardy and greatest mobile Apple operating arrangement .
Which is plainly somehow Apple ’s fault .
It also turn out I ’m not the only one who has done so .
Ten thousand people have viewed this question on Apple ’s forums about the wanting YouTube app , and another thousand have view this one .
So , 11,000 out of , what ? 200 million ? That ’s certainly anathemize .
But let ’s stop and conceive about this for a present moment .
envisage that this was your Mac ( or your PC ) .
Uh , OK . Sherlock ring a ship’s bell ? Flash ? Java ? Apple ( and Microsoft ) remove things from their desktop operating systems all the time . Sounds like someone missed out on write some querulous articles over the geezerhood .
But , lo ! The Macalope is looking at his iPhone running iOS 6 correctly now and … there ’s a YouTube program on it ! How could that be ? ! Because Google ’s now making its own app . Which you’re able to download from the App Store . No longer bundling an app for watching cat videos , however , is somehow rant - desirable .
Well , if Apple or Microsoft deleted someoneelse’sapplication that you paid for and replaced it with their own software , that would certainly be an issue . That is , of course , not at all what happened here . You ’d intend someone who is a “ farsighted - time Apple drug user with multiple Apple products and a technology diary keeper who covers Apple ” would eff that the YouTube app was made by Apple and included for barren .
Koetsier may know that but it ’s irrelevant because at VentureBeat , drama is king !
This is unconscionable .
OUTRAGEOUS !
Killing the YouTube app and replacing it with nothing is even more annoying [ than replacing Google - power Maps ] . But it ’s also insulting . And maybe even evil .
EVIL !
malefic . He wrote that . Every once in a while the Macalope feels he demand to swan with his reader that , yes , these are actual quote from the clause he ’s skewering because frequently they are so very unlikely .
A fluid speech sound is an intensely personal piece of technology . My phone is mine . I grease one’s palms it , I pay for it , I habituate it , and I make full it with apps .
And apparently you upgrade it without condition to see what the upgrade does .
… no one seems to be speak about the arrogance that it takes to update an operating system and delete apps that users may have enjoyed , become wonted to , and relied on .
mayhap because we ’re not so horribly put out by plainly having to download thenewYouTube app . perhaps it ’s the Macalope but downloading seems a portion easier than devoting over 800 words to an wild blah about it .
consumer , incidentally , are speaking with their fingers mighty now : Google ’s YouTube is the top destitute app by downloads in the app store today .
Which , the Macalope is certain , Apple is positively devastated about .
Are we so conditioned to having limited mastery over the iDevices we buy that we just take this for granted ?
What part of “ You choose to kick upstairs to iOS 6 ! ” are n’t you understanding ?
demeanor like this may seem minor and inconsequent .
Because it is .
This is just outrageous …
UNCONSCIONABLE !
And it ’s just plain not correct .
NOT RIGHT !
Koetsier seems like the kind of guy wire who gets really upset when all - you - can - eat restaurants put a point of accumulation on how many runt you’re able to take at one clip .
Note : I did ask Apple for commentary on this story , but I have not yet received a response .
Oh , no , they did respond . You just could n’t take heed them rolling their optic .
Saturday Special: Don’t look back in anger
Yesterday was the first day of remembrance of Steve Jobs ’s death , but the Macalope does n’t need to speak about Steve Jobs .
Well , more accurately , he does n’t want towriteabout Steve Jobs . Hesaid his small-arm at the timeand the art of learned person takedowns never feel so joyless and laborious .
People wonder why the Macalope does what he does . It ’s not just because he ’s get a bad case of“Someone is wrong on the Internet!”He does have that , plainly , but he also feels that to say nothing is to permit these pieces brook , as if they are fair .
Forbes , for example , has a piece ( no tie becauseForbescan eat the Macalope ’s salt salt lick , if you make out what he entail ) look back at what the “ medium ” had to say about Steve Jobs . What they do n’t have is a piece looking back at whatForbeshad to say , probably because it was so incredibly noisome that even they ca n’t conceive they had people indite and edit it .
Assuming they even had citizenry edit it . And it ’s possible those pieces were written by a coterie of raging , screaming Macaque monkeys or else of citizenry . It ’s hard to tell .
But on the anniversary of Jobs ’s dying , let ’s not blab out about the dumb and offensive things mass said at the time . Let ’s not mouth about the slow and offensive thing mass are probably say about it now .
allow ’s or else think back Google putting a tribute on its home page and Eric Schmidttelling a terrific story about him . Let ’s remember that Microsoft flew its flags at half mast a yr ago .
In other words , let ’s remember the people who , despite their deviation and contender with Apple and Jobs , testify some class . Because there ’s apparently also value in extol .
Let ’s not see back in anger . Not because holding masses and publishing accountable for what they pick out to write does n’t have some purpose , but because the exercise is so damned dreadful . allow ’s do it not for them , but for ourselves .
