After complaining last week about things that were n’t funny , this week brought a turnaround . RIM apparently settle it needed to get funny again or risk its status as the laughing bloodline of fluid technology . Meanwhile , the flakiness that is orchard apple tree - rumour propagation is always good for a laugh and , while Microsoft itself is oftentimes a laugh drunken revelry , one mythologic creature always is : the Winotaur .
Saturday Special: Still digging
OK , the Macalope checkedthe integral listand he can say unconditionally that “ defense ” is not “ not just a river in Canada , ” it ’s not a river in Canada at all . So how do we explainRIM ?
RIM submit a 2d measure to denigrate confrontation on Thursday after it had Northwest & Ethical drop its demand the chairwoman and CEO part split . … The company ’s dining table of directors would in return develop a committee of independent directors to find an “ appropriate Libra the Scales ” between board leaders and the CEO role , whether it was necessary for the co - CEOs to occupy top spots on the board to start the company , and hint a structure that might better feed the society .
flange is so special , you see , sounlikeany other technology company , that it need bothZanandJaynato launch the company .
Into the ground .
Has n’t it consider the fact that just one chief operating officer might run it more slowly into the ground ?
Now a legion ofcurrent employeeshavecome forwardto confirm that , yes , the caller is a complete mess , thanks for noticing .
Unfortunately for these employees , RIM seems wrapped ondigging deeper into the hole it ’s into retrieve that bloody pony it justknowsis under the dirt somewhere .
RIM may have a vis-a-vis to the Apple TV , according to a rumor put forward by a historically honest source . So far dub the BlackBerry Media Box , it would be a blend between the canonic BlackBerry Presenter and a medium hub like Apple ’s box .
Right . Because you ’re already doing such a smasher - up job vie with Apple on smartphones and pad of paper that you thought it was a skilful idea to enter the war on a third front . That right there is just the form of premium decision - urinate you’re able to only get from two CEO .
Occam’s rumor
Where do Apple rumor add up from , dear proofreader ? Why from the wonderland ofimagination!Say , anyone know what the emoticon is for Doug Henning ?
early on this hebdomad , Deutsche Bank ’s Chris Whitmore gave us an objective deterrent example in how crazy banana masses can get when it arrive to at large talk of the town about Apple . Whitmore manifestly forgot to mark he was just thinking out loud when he wrote that his business firm “ believes ” Apple will transport a new iPhone in September , along with a blue - cost prepaid iPhone .
What ? ! Two iPhones ? ! That ’s like 100 per centum more iPhones !
Some sites threw caution and history and possibly their underclothing to the wind . Like Business Insider , for example :
Apple will have TWO new iPhones in September
Thanks for capitalise “ TWO ” there , cat . Otherwise we might have missed the whole matter about there being two iPhones .
The Unofficial Apple Weblog , meanwhile , hastily walked back a credulous title on its piecefrom “ Apple to release two iPhone models this September ” to “ Psh , we did n’t come down for that ! We were just going along with it to see how longyou’dgo along with it ! C’m on ! As if . Sooo obvious . ”
Of course , as the Macalope has channelize out about iPhone rumors in the past :
While hearsay do not mean Apple is going to make something , they do n’t intend it is n’t going to make it , either .
And Whitmore is n’t the only one whose psychoanalyst sense is tingling . ( Most the great unwashed do n’t realise where analyst do from : they ’re people who , while in high school , were bitten by other , radioactive analyst ) .
Nature , or Wall Street anyway , obviously abhor a low - toll iPhone vacuum and psychoanalyst were n’t done trying to jam something into the category . Not without cause , though , as Apple COO Tim Cook himself said thatApple would n’t be ceding any market . Compared to Whitmore ’s flight of partiality , though , these analysts had their feet firmly on the ground and were completely make up far more sensible scenarios .
Indeed , you almost have to holdthe preeminence from Morgan Stanley ’s Katy Hubertyup to the luminousness just aright to make out the 2nd iPhone on the grassy knoll .
Mike Abramsky of RBC Capital predictedthat when Apple ships the iPhone 5 in September , the troupe will preserve to ship the 3GS , but for free .
At half the tup of the iPhone 4 , it ’s moderately refutable how long the 3GS will proceed to be capable to execute the current release of iOS , but the Macalope has long been more benevolent to the musical theme that the low-spirited - conclusion iPhone would follow the racecourse of the MacBook as a brassy , but full - sized and in full - functional plastic building block . The 3 G and the 3GS never felt good enough in his hoof to be the iPhone standard bearer .
What he ’s less certain about is Abramsky ’s forecasting that Apple will ship three iPhones starting in September , continuing to sell the iPhone 4 for $ 99 .
That ’s a lot of iPhones . And make a average choice makes it easier for the great unwashed to justify downgrading . You know what bump when you throw a market place share company , right ? You wake up the next 24-hour interval hung over and question where all your profit went .
The Macalope feels a spot like a broken record , but market parcel in and of itself does n’t make a company any money . Besides , guess what ? Most recent signs channelize tothe iPhone ’s market share rise while Android ’s is “ dead in the H2O . ”
“ Android go forward to be the most democratic smartphone operating system , with 38 percent of smartphone consumers have Android equipment , ” wrote Nielsen . “ However , while Android also leads among those who of late purchased a young smartphone , it is the Apple iPhone that has shown the most growth in recent month . ”
So count the horny one as being furry and skeptical about Apple suddenly decide to bewilder the profit baby out with the bath - water . Even more questioning is this guy :
Keith Bachman of BMO give a monkey wrench into everyone ’s predictions by dismissing the idea of a tacky iPhone and omen a single , full - featured model – the iPhone 4S.
Keith , Keith , Keith . That kind of prediction isnotgoing to win you any cap - laden headlines over at Business Insider .
The rush of Windows 8
Word has it Microsoft isrushing Windows 8 for an April 2012 releasein order to fight the iPad . Oookay , seems like a good time to fight the iPad might have been , oh , lastyear alternatively of next year .
To get the inside scoop , it ’s time for another chat with our booster the Winotaur .
MACALOPE : Did the Macalope scan this rightfulness ? You ’re trying to speed up the release of Windows 8 for … uh … April , 2012 , instead oflate2012 ?
WINOTAUR : Ohhh , yeah , you heard right . The game ’s afoot ! Or ahoof , as the example may be .
MACALOPE : What plot is that ?
WINOTAUR : The pad game .
MACALOPE : Do n’t you signify slate ?
WINOTAUR : Uh … in reality , I bury what we ’re calling it this week .
MACALOPE : “ iPad envy ” ?
WINOTAUR : As if . Our pad ’s not going to be some toy . It ’ll lam full versions of the software .
MACALOPE : And super awesomely , the Macalope bet .
WINOTAUR : You know it . You just hook up your mouse and go . That ’s a real electronic computer , there , not some Etch - A - vignette .
MACALOPE : Well , except inasmuch as the user experience will probably make multitude desire to shake it . In that wish it ’ll be just like an Etch - A - Sketch .
WINOTAUR : Oh , right . take care , people do n’t require half an software program . They want it all , baby .
MACALOPE : Even if it abbreviate their battery life ? And they have to carry around a mouse ? You guys have beentrying to trade Windows on tablets for years . turn out mass do n’t require tablets . They want iPads .
WINOTAUR : No , they want a full substance abuser experience where …
MACALOPE : halt . Stop . quit . No . You know what your job is ? You ’re not even sell tablets . You ’re trade Windows . Let ’s say someone goes into a Microsoft store next year and sees your answer and asks what it is . What do you tell them ?
WINOTAUR : That ’s loose . It ’s Windows 8 for tablets running on …
MACALOPE : diaphragm . See , someone walk into an Apple Store and what do they see ? iPads . What is it ? It ’s an iPad . Does it hook up the same App Store I know from my iPod ? Yes , it run all those applications . Done . godsend . Here ’s my $ 500 . They walk intoyourstore and they need a chart to explicate it all to them .
WINOTAUR : Whatever , dude . You ’ll see . You ’ll be chewing your cud out of the other side of your oral cavity next April .
MACALOPE : That ’s great . Rushed operating system are the best . Hey , you know what you should do to make that sozzled deadline ? You shouldthrow some more trunk at it .
WINOTAUR : Oh , way ahead of you . Waaay ahead of you .
MACALOPE : howling . Best of luck to you . We ’ll look forward to seeing it some fourth dimension in 2013 .
WINOTAUR : What ?
