iPad challenger do n’t seem to be doing so well so it ’s clock time to make some up ! Then the Macalope consoles the Winotaur over the end of the Zune . Well , “ consoles ” is plausibly the wrong word . “ Mocks ” is probably close . And Jon Bon Jovi lovingly remembers all the ways the medicine business used to be capable to take your money before Steve Jobs ruined everything .
Tablet fantasy league
We ’ve had failware and vaporware competition to the iPad , but now we ’ve get imagineware . Forrester Research ’s Sarah Rotman Epps , noting that the iPad competitors have been lacklustre to particular date , asked analysts to think on whether or not Amazon could waltz in where others have stumbled over their oversized clown shoes .
Amazon.com , by contrast , could create an Android- or Linux - ground lozenge to connect users to Amazon ’s shopfront , including its forthcoming Android App Store , said Epps .
It ’s true that Amazon is a terrific retailer , but its on-line retail experience is not completely comparable to the App Store , at least not yet . The reason the App Store works is because the things that are sold on it complement the machine you ’re making the leverage from . Nobody ’s go to be jazzed by a machine that lets you buy aGeorge Foreman Grillfaster .
But Amazon does have digital music , telecasting , andits Android app storeis said to be penny-pinching to done . The online retailer may soon be in a position to supply a practicable ecosystem .
So , maybe it is a effective candidate to make the first tablet that would make Apple break a sweat . But it ’s hysterical that here we are , a twelvemonth after the iPad ’s exit , and , according to the tech industry analysts , the best alternative is a fellowship that not only is n’t shipping a pad of paper , it ’s one that has n’t declare a tablet or even expressed aninterestin developing a tablet .
Also rummy :
Epps polled consumers and found the immune carrier - subsidy simulation leverage by those tablet makers is unappealing to consumers .
Wha - what ? ! But the Macalope has always understood from the whacky pundits of the world that the declaration was iPad - kill awesome because it made the twist seem bum , even if in reality it was actually robbing you of your personal freedoms and perchance your bodily fluids . Are n’t consumers aware of the many benefits of long - term commitments to cellular companies ?
Where have you gone , Brett Arends ? A nation turns its alone eyes to you .
Read more …
The day the music squirting died
MACALOPE : Hey , sorry about the Zune , dude .
WINOTAUR : Sorry about what ?
MACALOPE : Thatit ’s getting canceled . That ’s got ta be a big blow to you .
WINOTAUR : What ? Get out of townsfolk . That ’s just net rumors .
MACALOPE : True , it has n’t been announced , butyour cat wo n’t even deny it . And let ’s face it , when was the last metre you saw a Zune ?
WINOTAUR : Are you kid ? My kitchen cupboards are full of … I mean , I see them all the time ! They ’re move at the Microsoft store , babe ! [ snaps digit for emphasis ]
MACALOPE : Uh - huh . Did you talk to all seven of them yourself to confirm that ? Or were theytoo busy dancingto come to the phone ?
WINOTAUR : Now you ’re criticizingdancing . Do you call up the accurate minute when all the joyousness left your life ?
MACALOPE : It was about the clock time the Macalope saw that video . attend , it ’s not like the writing has n’t been on the wall about the Zune . Heck , Zune tattoo guy saw this coming two and a one-half twelvemonth ago .
WINOTAUR : He … the Zune … there was …
MACALOPE : Yes ?
WINOTAUR : STEVEN LACKED COMMITMENT ! HE ’S THE rationality THE ZUNE betray ! HOW CAN WE CHANGE THE WORLD WITH SUCH LOUSY FANBOYS ? !
MACALOPE : Wait , did we just jump overPain and Guilt and right to Anger and Bargaining ? We were on Denial … The Macalope ’s having a hard time follow along on this leaning . You ’re kind of all over the place .
WINOTAUR : Yeah , I do n’t do Pain and Guilt .
MACALOPE : That ’s a good policy .
WINOTAUR : Anyway , nobody buy digital euphony players anymore . The action ’s all in smartphones now and the Zune software ’s going to experience on .
MACALOPE : Yeah , there ’s something to that , but you have to let the Macalope revel in this mo . Because he had to put up withan incredibleamount ofdime stock analysisabout how itwould be an iPod slayer . Do you remember the rumour that Microsoft was going to justgiveeveryone the same song they already had in iTunes for free via some magical spiritual rebirth utility ? Because Microsoft could just do that because they havesooomuch money ? Oh , God , that was singular !
WINOTAUR : OK , fine . Go ahead and have your fun . Just remember , I ’m going to be here when Apple hits the gutter , even if it take 100 years . Because , remember , we ’re mythic beast .
MACALOPE : That is one of the drawback of immortality , is n’t it ?
WINOTAUR : Yep . We ’re stuck with each other .
MACALOPE : Hey , speak of which … did you see there ’s a phoney Android security update in the wild ? ! Hey , how ’s that “ assailable ” working out for you ? !
WINOTAUR : Ha - ha ! High five !
When one could while the hours away at the Victrola emporium
The most dunderheaded whimper of the week goes to Jon Bon Jovi for quetch thatSteve Jobs killed the music industry !
“ Kids today have missed the whole experience of putting the phone on , turning it up to 10 , holding the crown , closing their eyes and getting lost in an record album ; and the beauty of accept your allowance money and making a decision based on the crownwork , not knowing what the record sound like , and looking at a twosome of still pictures and imagining it . ”
The horror of waking up the day after a trip to the record storage to find your arm aroundGet The Nack ! Those second of allowance - blowing compunction build grapheme !
The dumb thing about this argument is that you could still do almost all of this with the iTunes Store . Just without the creepy composition board caressing .
“ I hate to sound like an sure-enough man now … ”
That s too bad because you ’re doing a terrific mental picture of one .
“ … but I am , and you distinguish my tidings , in a contemporaries from now people are give-up the ghost to say : ‘ What happened ? ’ Steve Jobs is personally responsible for killing the medicine business . ”
Right . You bonk , the Macalope work in a grand independent record stock while in college and he remembers those days fondly . The music , the posters , the Vans , the characters who shopped there , and the character who worked there . He also remember buying and getting vex with a whole lot of really lousy music .
Steve Jobs did n’t kill the euphony occupation . It was dying long before iTunes or the iPod came along . Even if he had , there ’s a big difference between killing the musicbusinessand killingmusic . If there were ever a dog that needed to be put down it was the musicbusiness .
Worst Jon Bon Jovi performance sinceU-571 .
