Some people gather up Hummels , some people collectsnow globes . The Macalope take in hi - larious arguing about how Apple ’s a religion .
Oh , they may not sit down as passably on a Mickey Charles Mantle , but they do have the reward of being free .
Which , true , is still more than they ’re worth .
The well-worn and lazy piece of music have patently reached their ultimate ending . One needs no longer include any “ analysis ” or “ insight , ” one but has to regurgitate banal spiritual metaphor until the reader regurgitates their luncheon .
At least that seems to be the tacking taken by Roger Tagholm of Scotland ’s The Herald in writing“The tabernacle of Apple . ”
GET IT ? IT ’S A RELIGION .
It ’s all“BALI CHADHOGE , BALI MANGTI KALI MA , MUKTI DEGI KALI MA!”and then Tim Cook rips out a human heart . But , hey , new hardware !
AND lo , once again they will come , filing like acolytes into the California Theatre in San Jose , heads bowed , the tell - tale whitened cord of their religious belief hanging like tefillin from their ears , some even wrapping the slender telegram around their arm further to leaven their idolatry , others bear the jet ignominious Marco Polo neck surplice of the high purchase order , all of them reverentially gathering to get a line more from the Book of Jobs even if the Be - Jeaned One Himself is no longer real in this earthy kingdom having taken Himself to the Cloud and appoint one Tim Cook as his heir .
That ’s the lede .
So , we ’re 100 speech in and we ’ve learned , what ? Maybe you may divine from that that there ’s travel to be an Apple upshot .
Oh , and Apple ’s just like a organized religion !
Informative .
Yes , tomorrow Apple hosts another one of its “ events ” …
By the inverted comma the Macalope infers Tagholm finds the designation “ event ” to be objectionable . presumptively he would prefer “ ritual ” or “ human forfeit . ”
… at its favourite cathedral - like theatre of operations near San Francisco . It get off out teaser invites saying “ what do you mean we ’re a money - making cult with a walled - garden approa … ” . Sorry , the invites actually say : “ We ’ve got a little more to show you . ”
It is so unsatisfying when companies in a capitalistic society make money , is n’t it ? For disgrace , Apple . For pity .
go for their iPhones aloft with one voice the congregation will intone : “ I salute loyalty to IOS and to the Blessed MacBook product line , peace be upon its high retina screen - ”
Aaaand there proceed everyone ’s luncheon .
Then they will intone the 10 iCommandments : “ Thou shalt have no other iPods before me ” ; “ Thou shalt not covet thy Neighbour ’s Non - Apple merchandise ” ; “ Thou shalt worship no other company other than The party ” ; “ Thou shalt not make any graven image , peculiarly if they are Samsung ” ; and the most crucial one of all : “ Thou shalt not commit Android . ”
That ’s only five . in earnest , you could n’t even be bothered to come in up with ten ? Not that the Macalope ’s complaining .
Out by the Grand Canyon there ’s a mathematical group of Marco Polo - necked devotees , peering into their iPhone 5 screens and scratching their heads . “ It say the Golden Gate Bridge should be here . Are you certain these maps are right ? ”
LOL .
The Macalope looks forward to the post - event coverage by the Apple = religious belief crowd , which , if this devolution continues , will in all probability consist of a series of grunt and some bone - tossing .
