Apple open up a flagship storage and , as with all portent , it can only mean the company is on a downward coil the likes of which has not been seen for two thousand years .
Yeah , someone really wrote that .
Writing forNewsweek , Alexander Nazaryan says“San Francisco ’s New Apple Store show small ’ cogitate Different ’ Spirit . ”(Tip o ’ the antlers to Bill Merchant . )
Again , thank Bog we have savant around to remind Apple what their values were during its renaissance because apparently the multitude who were there at the time and helped make that standard pressure have no theme .
The Macalope say “ thank Bog ” instead of “ God ” because Bog is one of The Old Ones , an ancient demon god that follows people around shout their words back at them out of setting for all infinity and is clearly the only being that could be responsible for this absurdness .
go into the raw Apple Store in San Francisco ’s Union Square , I felt as if I ’d stumbled on some distant outpost of the late Roman Empire , a crumbling garrison in the Welsh countryside that reminds of glories past , but also of the pass of all glories .
Reading this the Macalope feel like he hit upon a website entitle History Majors Gone idle . Clearlybuilding a dramatic retail stock is emblematic of aproblemwith Apple in that it is focused on create the symbols of conglomerate rather than advert to the organization that creates and support empire construction . Clearlybecause they never builta singlesolitarydramatic retail storeduring their rise . That is how we recognize this .
In the last year , Apple ’s invasion of China has been slow , and like Alexander the corking …
[ Angrily brandish mortar board ] “ I’VE stimulate A LIBERAL ARTS DEGREE ! DON’T COME NEAR ME ! I’LL USE IT ! ”
As went Rome and Constantinople , so must go Cupertino .
OH MY GOD , WE GET IT ALREADY .
Nevertheless , this opening marks an important social occasion for all who ’ve prick the endearing yield of Wozniak and Jobs .
excessively Florid is the name of Nazaryan ’s emo rock stripe .
Foster + Partners design the outer space , which broadcast wealth and prestigiousness far removed from the company ’s “ reckon Different ” earned run average .
Uh , yeah , peradventure because they had neither when they play the “ Think Different ” campaign .
Here ’s the thing about this : While iPhone sales did drop year - over - yr in the most late quarter and probably will do the same in the current quarter , Apple is still crazy profitable . Nero fiddled while Romeburned , not while it made $ 10.5 billion in profit .
For all the talk of community and creativity , the profit motive is what truly reckon here .
Nazaryan is traumatise — SHOCKED!—to regain there is capitalism going on here !
Much likeBoy Genius Report , Newsweekseems to have settled on “ So , we have to cover this store porta but no one said we could n’t track it like a glum 12 - year - onetime being forced to go to his little blood brother ’s Elmo - themed birthday party . ” Also , while we ’re memory - shaming , have ’s just throw some random technology - feign in , too .
There ’s something sadly ironic about Apple trying to create “ community , ” given that its devices have so expeditiously atomized mass , leaving them alone and sleepless , ever qui vive for the iPhone ’s needful Ping River .
Sure . Because those pings are fall from nowhere . They ’re not coming from friends online , certainly ! No , that ’s not a thing that chance ! The only Ping you receive on your phone come from games that are the downfall of society , some variety of self - elevation locomotive I have imagined exists and Beelzebub himself .
The persistent popularity of Samsung ? The rise of virtual reality ? The Second Coming of Christ of wearables ? These were distant concern .
Possibly because these are not in any way existent problems for Apple . Apple continues to take most of the profit in the smartphone grocery store , practical reality is still some time from really take off ( and Apple is reportedly working on their own VR technology ) and the Apple Watch is the best - selling smartwatch on the market .
Apple does have problems . make a overnice storage is n’t one of them .
