Apple made a quite a little of announcements on Monday , fail a longsighted style toward making up for a somewhat lusterless 2016 . So , what ’s a repeated Apple naysayer to do ?
Troll like there ’s no tomorrow , baby .
Writing for theForbescontributor web and day care run bythe Child Catcher fromChitty Chitty Bang Bang(video shop safe for work but not safe for sleep ever again ) , Ewan Spence enjoin us “ Why All Of Apple ’s New Hardware Releases Are Good News For Microsoft ’s Surface . ” ( Tip atomic number 8 ’ the antlers to@JonyIveParody . )
Does that newspaper headline seem over - the - top to you ? Even forForbes ? Well , that ’s probably because Spence lifted it wholesale froma gag tweet by @JonyIveParody . Take that , parody account ! You thought that was too outrageous ? BOOM ! It ’s a real headline ! What now , bro ? !
Presumably this was done as a joke , although it ’s possible Spence thought it wasjust that good . Is there a golf blast that ’s so slow it ’s actually in reverse gear ?
If it seems unmatched to you that Spence would use a put-on headline and not clue his reader in on the jest , well , it ’s a niggling late to start occupy about that now . They’realready reading Forbes . The joke ’s been on them for some time now .
The obvious challenger to the Surface Pro motorcar is the iPad Pro .
Maybe , but it ’s also interesting that Microsoft hasstopped positioning the Surface Pro as a tablet , since citizenry mostly use it as a laptop .
As Apple once more signals the MacBook Pro is no longer a precedency for innovation …
MacBook Pro gets full redesign including TouchBar and four USB - C interface eight month ago and then is promptly speed bumped and it ’s “ no longer a priority for conception ” . Microsoft ’s main innovation on the Surface Laptop , meanwhile , is felt thatwill probably before long bet like crap . It does have a more advanced C.P.U. than the similarly - price MacBook Air , but it also has half the RAM and comes with a restricted operating system .
… [ the iPad ] is halter by the walled - garden nature of Io both at the development level and at the statistical distribution level .
The trouble with throwing all your Apple clichés into a pot and making knee - jerk bouillabaisse is that you lose preciseness . The problem with the iPad is not the so - anticipate “ walled garden ” but the dearth of professional applications , which is largely ride by the raceway - to - the - bottom nature of the App Store .
But , when you do n’t care that your headline is a steal joke , you in all likelihood do n’t care that you ’re not using your Apple tropes befittingly .
lurk in the bottom of every Surface machine and every Windows 10 installation is Cortana …
Microsoft ’s beloved digital assistant who just take place to bea nude womanhood .
That ’s not unearthly . You ’re uncanny .
But when everyone is looking for an alternative to the clumsy heavily - moil hero , Microsoft will be ready .
Ready to ship a variety of crappy 1.0 product and then mayhap take a big write - off on it but keep stream Johnny Cash into it until it ultimately does fine but has kind ofslipped in the last two quarters . That ’s just how they make the magic , baby .
