The swell thing about the iTunes Store is that you’re able to corrupt just about any Sung dynasty you’re able to imagine , cheaply and easily . And the unsound affair about the iTunes Store ? Sometimes you may buy those Song dynasty a littletooeasily .
Apple ’s retail shop for digital downloads has been candid fora decade now , and in that time , you ’ve credibly loaded up on a quite a little of music . And you do n’t have to tell us that some of those downloads in all likelihood seemed like a good idea at the time . In laurels of the10th anniversary of the iTunes Music Store , I combed through my purchase story to discover some of the example where I could have spent my 99 cent more wisely . Perhaps my confessions of too bad musical choices will make you sense safe about your own iTunes indiscretion over the last 10 years . At the very least , I hope my embarrassing selections assist as a reminder that when it comes to hitting that download button in Tunes , sometimes discretion is the better part of valorousness .
More One-Hit Wonders Than I Can Count
Just after the iTunes Store opened its virtual doors , my paymasters atMacworldwanted an article on the profoundness and breadth of the store ’s initial offering . Among the more hare - brain of my assorted system to survey the shop ’s pick : See how many ofVH1 ’s Top 100 One - Hit WondersI could download from iTunes . The result , at the time ? 39 . The cost to my psyche whenever“It ’s Raining Men”has protrude up on random shamble during the ensuing decennium ? Incalculable .
“ Wait , you fail ahead and actually download all those vocal ? ” you may be ask . “ Why not just keep a operative counting and go forth it at that ? ”
Because I am devoted to my craft .
“ Well , fine . So why keep them in your iTunes library all this time ? ”
Because shut up is why .
Word to my mother ? My mother was a ideal , Vanilla Ice !
Besides , there are a few enjoyable air among those 39 otherwise regrettable downloads . get wind the occasional“Tainted Love ” from lenient Cellor“Come On Eileen”from Dexy ’s Midnight Runners more than makes up for the random appearances by Vanilla Ice crooning“Ice internal-combustion engine Baby”or The Divinyls offering up their musical tribute to onanism with“I Touch Myself . ”(That ’s a fun conversation to have with HR , by the path . ) And it could have been worse : As committed as I was to downloading every one - make admiration I could , I blanch at paying 99 centime forBilly Ray Cyrus ’s “ Achy Breaky Heart . ”I wish well I could move back in time and shake the helping hand of the 2003 edition of me .
You Light Up My Life
The song You Light Within Up My Life come from the movie of the same name . The version I inexplicably downloaded from iTunes did not .
There is one last item fromL’Affaire One - Hit Wonderthat I hesitate to remark , for the most part because it reflects poorly on me . VH1 ’s list of now - you - see-’em - now - you - don’t musical ace includes “ You lighter Up My Life , ” the claim vocal from the forgettable movie of the same name . It is a treacly , drippy ballad in which Isaac Bashevis Singer Debby Boone fails to land the in the altogether , ungoverned Energy Department her father Pat used to impart tothose Chevrolet ads . It also won an Academy Award for Best Original Song , proving that the former 1970s really were the old age of malaise .
Anyhow , Debby Boone ’s version was n’t in the iTunes Store when I wrote that one - hit wonder article . ( It is now , you favorable hoi polloi . ) undiscouraged — and for reasons that persist a mystery a decade later — I purchase aninstrumental version of “ You visible radiation Up My biography ” . Because , evidently , once you strip “ You light up Up My aliveness ” of its vocal and lyrics , you ’ve improved the call immeasurably .
On a Bicycle Built for Joy (Raindrops)
In 2010 , Apple extend song previews in the iTunes Store to 90 minute for call longsighted than 2 arcminute and 30 bit — a welcome modification for those of us who want to know just what the heck we ’re start out ourselves into when we part with our hard - earned 99 penny . Oh sure , iTunes always offered 30 - 2nd prevue of songs , but that was scarce enough time to count on out if the musicians were on their best behavior right up until the moment those 30 seconds were up .
Terrible , things happen 90 seconds into the transcript of Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head that sit in my iTunes depository library .
casing in point : Thisversion of “ Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”from theButch Cassidy and the Sundance Kidsoundtrack . I have pleasant memories of that song from produce up , when my mother would sing it to me whenever I was feeling glum ( which is to say , she sang it oft ) . And indeed , this particular rendition offers just the right distinction of wistfulness — right up until the 1:29 mark where the strain takes a sudden 180 - arcdegree yaw into a bouncy , 1970s - dash ragtime orchestration that sound like the sort of thing one would discover at a clown ’s funeral procession . This continue for about a full moment — perhaps B.J. Thomas had beg off himself to grab a glass of water — before Burt Bacharach ’s keen Good - Time Band finishes kill the humor and we summarize with our on a regular basis scheduled ruminations on how my eyes wo n’t be turning ruddy ‘ causal agent squall ’s not for me . But crying is most certainly for me , at least now that I had to endure that .
Had 90 - 2d prevue existed when I downloaded “ On a Bicycle build for Joy ( Raindrops ) , ” it is likely I would never have pay off good money to hear a darling puerility memory brought to its knee . rather , the song stay in my iTunes subroutine library as a reminder that raindrops falling on one ’s read/write head is the least of one ’s troubles .
Love Boat
I host an casual section of the Macworld Podcast called the Macworld Pundit Showdown . There are comic healthy effects and thematically appropriate musical snip played throughout , and we all have a proficient metre recording it . Presumably , a fraction of the listening audience delight it as well . Anyhow , those songs have to come from somewhere , so I buy them off of the iTunes Store .
Butt out of this , Gopher . This does n’t concern you .
I ’m mentioning this in case I by chance slip off this mortal coil , and my next - of - kin , when going through my effects , discovers that I have a written matter of thetheme song fromThe making love Boatperformed by something call The South Bay Groove System . Please alarm my heritor that the Sung dynasty was specifically download forthis podcast episodeand not because I in secret entertain dreams of hanging out with Gopher and Isaac on the Lido Deck .
Not after how they treat Julie the Cruise Director , I do n’t .
Iron Man
There ’s a lady - or - the - tiger quality to experience versions of song . peradventure this is the instant when it all comes together for the dance orchestra — when the music and the vocal music blend so seamlessly , when the energy of performing before an arena full of devoted fans — elevates a known trade good to new heights . Or perhaps the band is preoccupied with the thought of all the groupies waiting back at the after - party and rushes through the birdsong with casual indifference . I leave it to your mental imagery as to where on that spectrum this Black Sabbath recording of“Iron Man”falls .
At least this record album rubric — Live evilness — utilise two accurate adjective to describe the version of Iron Man contained within .
I ’m not certain why I bought a copy of “ Iron Man , ” other than it must be some federal ordinance that every adult male between the ages of 30 and 60 must own that fussy song . I do n’t know why I bribe this particular translation , though I trust it was because it was the only available copy of “ Iron Man ” on iTunes at the time . I do know I wish I had previewed the racetrack first so that I would have check that this picky edition of Black Sabbath was look by Ronnie James Dio and not Ozzy Osbourne . ( I once asked no less of an authority thanJim Dalrymplefor his sentiment of the Ronnie James Dio - led Black Sabbath . “ It serves its purpose , ” he said , before returning his attention to his Heineken . ) About midway through the song , Dio locomote deliriously off - script and begins improvising line , one of which is “ I ’m coming to arrogate your mortal . ” It took me several dozen close hearing before I realized he was n’t sing , “ I ’m come up to clean your shelves . ”
Which is disappointing because I thought that was a very gracious whirl by Ronnie James Dio .
My Way (DJ Lethal Remix)
I will not justify for own a Limp Bizkit song — it has a dainty driving beatnik that lends itself to workouts . I will , however , wonder why I prefer for the “ Clean ” download . “ Listen to Fred Durst ’s incorrigible in love sass ? ” I believably said as I clicked the Download button from my fainting couch . “ Not on my watch . ”
And so , when I tantalize my exercise wheel , and “ My path ” occur up on the gyration , I ’ll be pedaling along , picking up the pace as Fred Durst ’s spokesperson begins dropping out intermittently — the speech sound of iTunes sparing my ears the seismic disturbance of Limp Bizkit ’s aristocratic oral communication . Indeed , there is one part of the Sung dynasty where the phone expend out for nearly four second , as Mr. Durst draws out every last syllable of his vulgarism . That is some professional - degree cursing , folks .
The entire Rio album
Her name was Rio , and I ’d like to experience just how the heck she wound up in my iTunes program library .
Chances are you have a married woman or married man or important other with whom you ’ve decided to build a living together . Bank history , effectual social function , earthly possessions — all these are compound under one roof because hey , we ’re all in this together . But keep your iTunes accounts freestanding , friends , or else you might find yourself having some uncomfortable conversations about each others ’ melodic taste . Because one day a cut fromDuran Duran’sRioalbumcomes up willy-nilly in iTunes ’s shamble mode and you say aloud “ I do n’t think back downloading this schlock . ” And then you will appear up and see the love of your animation — a woman who went to bed every night of her adolescence under the protective gaze of poster boast Simon Le Bon , Nick Rhodes , and sundry Taylors — glaring back at you . It is then that you will realize that she is the grounds you ’re the not - so - proud proprietor of “ Last Chance on the Stairway . ” And there is no bad look .
Or so I ’ve heard from a friend of mine .
This cheese stands alone?
sure as shooting , I opine as I drop a line this article , I ca n’t be the only normally guileful consumer whose good sense evaporates in the facial expression of Apple ’s remorseless download setup . So I ping my colleagues : Were there any songs they had downloaded from the iTunes Store over the past decennium that maybe did n’t seem like such estimable investment in retrospect ? Most of myMacworldcohort stood mute , the cowards . But a few brave souls link me in publically coming white about their questionable judgment .
Here ’s what Christopher Breen had to say :
Unlike some of your declination , I downloadedThe Steve Miller Band ’s “ The Joker”knowing full well that other than its delicious lifting of “ the pompatus of love ” fromThe Medallions ’ “ The Letter,”it ’s a terrible ear louse of a melody . Everything from the “ from what weird reggae record did they rive that bass line ? ” ponderings to the objectionable “ woot - woo ! ” guitar ejaculation screams “ Damn you to hell for putting that in my mental capacity , Steve Miller ! ”
Why buy it then ? I ’m ashamed to hold that I did it to torment my married woman . When things get testy around the theatre , you’re able to count on me blasting “ The Joker ” from ending to terminal . Fair conflict ? Not on your life .
And here ’s Dan Moren ’s contribution to our public confessional :
“ Accidentally In Love ” by Counting Crows . I mean , what can you say about a song with “ accidentally ” in the title ? The year was 2004 , and I think I ’d recently seenShrek 2 , in whichthis Counting Crows songfigured prominently . While perhaps not as egregious asSmash Mouth ’s cover of the Monkees ’ “ I ’m a Believer”from the first movie in that series , “ Accidentally in Love ” quickly lost its charm as an earworm and instead became a grate reminder to be more careful about what songs I expend my 99 cents on .
And finally , we turn to Jason Snell for the last word :
Anything I ever downloaded fromGlee . All theGlee . SimplyGlee .
