It ’s large that we have the Internet so that hoi polloi have a place to post their way of life for Apple to spend a metric keister - ton of money to clear other peoples ’ problems .
write for the html reading of circus poodle dog jump through picayune hoops that isBusiness Insider , Matthew DeBord modestly suggests “ Apple should buy Uber . ” ( Tip atomic number 8 ’ the antler to@JonyIveParody . )
Why not ? How much could it be ?
guardedly , Uber ’s acquisition value would be something like $ 80 billion .
So , because it ’s so fairish , Apple should definitely not think twice about this and just go ahead and take the advice ofa cat who said the iPhone 5 would failand then saidno , in earnest , the iPhone 5 is really gon na break . Why ? Because …
Apple is right smart behind on transforming transfer
That ’s like telephone number one on their mission command !
It ’s not ? Huh . Well , still . It ’s a affair a troupe could want to do .
possibly Apple is build a elevator car ; maybe it is n’t . But Apple is definitely doing something on the mobility front .
ANALYSIS . Now , please drop $ 80 billion .
Apple also put behind bars behind Google on the ego - driving front .
Apple has yet to trade even one ego - driving car ! While Google has sold , uh , well , also none .
Apple just invested $ 1 billion in a Taiwanese competition to Uber , Didi Chuxing , so the companionship is clear interested in getting in on this action .
Having just spend $ 1 billion on one challenger , why not spend $ 80 billion on another one ? Why not just do random things ? Why not make nonmeaningful and empty gestures that validate the nihilism you ’ve drop so long nurturing inside you like theNeko Atsumiof your soul ?
Is Uber in trouble ?
Not all signs are good .
BUY IT APPLE , RIGHT NOW . NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO legal injury .
Apple could become a Silicon Valley hoagy by making the Uber unicorn problem go away .
Oh , so it ’s a openhearted contribution , then ! Why did n’t you say that up front ?
If [ Uber ] last , it could interchange everything . So Apple could grease one’s palms that . Or it could fritter away its hard cash with minuscule acquisitions here and there , or it could seek another moonshot product .
What ’ll it be , Apple ? Moonshot or crap game ?
Or continued strategic purchase for far less . Also an choice . seldom gets hash out but still technically on the board .
Pundits , it ’s cute how you deal . But the Macalope ’s middling sure they can notice good things to do with $ 80 billion than mayhap possibly cook Uber .
