Here ’s what we have sex about the Apple car : Literally nothing . Oh , well , except for the fact that it ’s doom .
Writing for the lovely masses and then the cheeseparing - hoi polloi and , eeugh , what is that ? and OK , getting weirder , and finallythat thing with middle in its palmsfromPan ’s Labyrinthover atBusiness Insider , Matthew DeBord is soverysure the Apple car is DOA .
“ This is why Tesla and Google are the future of cars — and Apple is n’t . ” ( Tip atomic number 8 ’ the antler toNate Ardle . )
What ’s the actual news event here ? Tesla hired somebody . Ergo , Apple doomed . attend , if a kitten gets stuck in a tree and you ca n’t discover a manner to get Apple into the headline in a negatively charged light then possibly writing forBusiness Insiderjust is n’t for you , okay ?
Tesla just made a very smart move : it hired Peter Hochholdinger to supervise production of its fomite .
Hochholdinger come from Audi , where he spend his entire career doing nothing but work up Audis .
He built Audis at Audi . OK . That ’s good . Probably better than build Toyotas . Or rest forts . Or sandcastles of the mind .
But there ’s a more of import element at drama here : in the ongoing “ hoo-ha ” of the traditional car business organization , it ’s clear who ’s serious and who is n’t .
Is the one who ’s “ not serious ” peradventure the one who has n’t admit it ’s even making a cable car yet ?
Tesla is unquestionably serious — there are over 100,000 Tesla vehicle on the route .
disturbance must be like freedom because at $ 76,500 apiece it ’s clearly not detached .
Google has wring up a huge bit of mile with its driverless cars .
So have the bumper cars at Coney Island . They must also be disrupting the traditional car business since they ’re go just as many passengers from point A to signal B safely .
Apple , meanwhile , most recently rent Chris Porritt , who was a high - ranking engineer at Tesla , but whose real claim to fame was his time at Aston Martin , where he created super expensive luxury gondola that are 100 percentage not destine to aim themselves .
Unlike Audis .
Er …
You know what ’s great ? cupcake . Have you tried these ? They ’re like piffling patty in loving cup form . Delicious .
Just to be clear , Apple hiring a cat who work at Aston Martin and Tesla : Loser move . Tesla hiring a hombre who work at Audi : succeeder move . obtain it ?
No , the Macalope does n’t understand it , either . But we have it . Like walking pneumonia .
But Apple reckon like it ’s either throwing spaghetti at the bulwark or hear to maintain some variety of cryptic procurator so it does n’t fall behind .
It ’s inexplicable why Apple did n’t rent Stan Sigman before making the iPhone . The hombre was a actor ! Golf , mostly . But what a hinderance !
Ina old article detailing how designate the Apple car is , DeBord at least allow that Apple might not be hiring in high spirits - visibility executives because it does n’t want their “ luggage . ” Now , however , the company ’s only flailing .
Maybe Apple has a well - thought - out programme in place for the Apple Car . But the party ’s hiring and other determination do n’t point in that direction .
They ’ve told us nothing about it and I have no estimation what they ’re doing ! Updates quarterly as this situation unfolds or does n’t , whatever , Business Insideris operate to keep mob Apple into car - have-to doe with headlines no matter what .
